About 2 months before we found out we were expecting, I had started a "major transformation" of my mind, body and well-being, and I can't help but think that this had everything to do with our eventual success.
I felt like a bus hit me.
What strange times we are living in.
HG (as it is referred to on social media support groups) is a severe manifestation of frequent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy and affects up to 2 percent of pregnancies. Basically, this is morning sickness gone wild.
For me, HG meant vomiting about four - six times per day (on really bad days it was 4 times every hour for about 3 hours straight.) If I accidentally awoke in the middle of the night, I was 'tickets' until the morning, or until I could lull myself back to sleep. Food was a no-go. The odd banana would go down and stay down, but everything else went down and came up again. Eventually I was choosing food to eat based on how bad it would taste coming up again.
Many a kind-hearted friend would suggest ginger tea or ginger sweets because "that really helped to ease their morning sickness before they ate breakfast." My general response was "you got to eat breakfast!?".
I lost around 7kgs between week 5 of my pregnancy and week 18 (just over 10% of my pre-pregnancy bodyweight). For most woman HG lasts up until around the 20th week of pregnancy, and for a very few it can go on until the day they give birth.
So that's where I have been for the last 4 months; in my bed, trying to feel some semblance of a human being again. The idea of "work" was just getting the bare minimum done so that I could go back to sleep again. My whole body was focused on surviving - it sounds extreme but there were days that felt like a fight to survive the day. I cannot begin to describe the mental journey; the feelings of guilt around wishing your pregnancy away, or the inability to feel joy around this tiny human growing in your belly.
The hardship in trying to separate your baby from this illness.
To any mamas to be that are currently experiencing HG, I know that it feels like it is never going to end, and that each day feels harder than the day before. Don't be afraid to take the medicine, don't feel shame around not being able to eat anything, sleep (you need it) and ask for help! Don't try and do it on your own. It is impossible. Take all the support you can get, and know that it will pass. It may take days, it may take weeks, but it will pass and you will be stronger for it.
I am 20 weeks now and my body is definitely making up for lost time. I have gained back the weight that I lost and our bean is strong, healthy and throws one heck of a punch already. Here's to 19 weeks to go, and hopefully smooth sailing from here.